I just broke up with my daughter’s developmental therapist. And it was way harder than it should have been. You see, I’ve had a problem with being assertive since… seems like forever. I’ve always wanted to be “nice” when sometimes, I should be real. I’ve associated assertiveness with rudeness and aggression since childhood, never learning the difference between speaking my mind and being a jerk. Inevitably, I would always reach a breaking point where I would most likely be a total jerk because that’s what you do, right? Right.
One cannot escape the inevitable. Ceci receives various therapeutic services at home to help her reach milestones. It’s been a great blessing, but from the beginning I knew this particular therapist wasn’t a good fit for my daughter. Did I do anything about it? No. I tolerated and dreaded and avoided until I reached my breaking point– and then threw up all of my grievances on this poor lady (via text) and told her she could pick up her stuff (toys) if she wanted. Ugh. Yes, I could have handled that way better, but it would have had to start at the beginning. I never saw myself as honestly as I did that day. Not only did I break up with Ceci’s therapist, but I decided to break up with my scared, passive self.
If at the end of the day I am not speaking honestly because it is too difficult or uncomfortable, who benefits? Definitely not my daughter who could’ve been receiving a better experience, not the therapist who could’ve been using her time more productively, and not myself dreadfully avoiding the inevitable. That strong desire to avoid conflict and hide from confrontation was fed by my fears. It’s easy to string people along, quietly nurse your grievances in the dark, and look the other way. I realize it takes courage to cut the rope and set someone free even if the drop hurts them a little bit. It takes bravery to make yourself vulnerable in order to mend a broken relationship. And it takes strength to be an advocate for someone in need. If you’ve been waiting to make that call, send that text, cut that that tie, or speak that truth—I urge you to do so! Let’s be free (even when it’s really hard).